Posts Tagged With: jamie lannister

Game Of Thrones Season 4, Episode 2: The Purple Wedding

Mild Spoilers Below:

This is the episode that everyone who has read the books have been waiting for. But, we will get to that later.

Ramsey Snow has trained Theon Greyjoy, who is now “Reek” to be his indentured servant. When Lord Bolton arrives, he sees what Theon has become and questions his bastard son Ramsey. Bolton was planning on trading a whole Theon, not a broken Theon. Bolton is informed the young Stark boys are indeed alive and it was the little orphan farm boys Theon burned and hung at Winterfell. And now, new plan is hatched.

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Stuff that was kind of weak:

Jamie Lannister is determined to learn to fight with his remaining hand. Bran is still looking for the 3 eyed crow. Yawn!  Lord Stannis and his red headed bimbo are sacrificing people for the “Lord Of Light” again.

Now on to the juice. This is what we have all been waiting for. The big wedding. Joffrey was in rare form tonight. He taunted his poor uncle Tyrion all through the reception. He hired dwarfs for the entertainment. He poured wine over  Tyrion’s head. He made Tyrion his cup barrier. Then he demanded Tyrion to “Kneel before Zod.” It was all a big spectacle. But,then the pie arrives. While King Joffery is wolfing down his pie with his new Queen, Margaery , Tyrion and his child bride Sansa has had a enough and tries to sneak out. Joffery urges them to stay as he needs some wine to wash down his pie. Tyrion obliges and gives Joffery a goblet of wine. Then the most glorious scene occurs. Joffery starts to choke. It was glorious! Not as good as the Red Wedding scene, but glorious. Ding Dong, The King Is Dead. All signs point toward Tyrion and he is arrested. That part wasn’t so glorious. Tyrion can’t catch a break. He can’t get any ass from his wife. He can’t get any ass from his whore. Can he live??? Let Tyrion be great!!!

Everyone pour a little liquor out for King Joffrey. Yes, he was evil. But, he made Game Of Thrones great.

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What do you guys think will happen to Tyrion?

Side Bar: I know people who read the books think they are superior to everyone who hasn’t, but I kind of wish I didn’t know Joffery was going to be poisoned. It took away that feeling I had when I hadn’t read the books and saw The Red Wedding. So don’t listen to the snobby geeks who make you feel like they are better than you for reading the books. If you love TV and movies like I do, you know what I mean.

 

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Game Of Thrones Season 4 Episode 1

Mild spoiler alert.

Game Of Thrones has got to be one of the best TV shows of all time. Yea, I know, we have all said that about Breaking Bad. But, Breaking Bad is gone and well, Game Of Thrones has the throne now… literally. I think I’ve seen all the past episodes at least 3 or 4 times. It’s the only way I can keep up with all the characters. My favorite character is Tyrion, played by Peter Dinklage. My friend and I were watching The Game Of Thrones marathon last weekend and we both admitted we thought Peter was very sexy and thought about having sexual relations with him, on different occasions. Don’t act like you don’t have those thoughts as well. It’s not just us!!

Let’s get to the episode, shall we? Well, Jamie is back at Kings Landing and they’ve crafted a Luke Skywalker type of hand for him to walk around with.  His father wants him to rule over Casterly Rock in his place. But, Jamie is determined to continue to be Hand Of The King. For some reason, acting as the King of Casterly Rock doesn’t interest him. He would rather continue screwing his sister and protecting his awful son/nephew. His sister/lover, Cersei seems indifferent towards him. When Jamie tries to have an intimate moment with Cersei, she denies him and tells him, “You left me all alone.” Jamie’s son/nephew, Joffery down plays his accomplishments and taunts him about getting captured and losing his hand. Not the warm welcome he was hoping for.

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Daenerys, ‘Mother Of Dragons’ has made yet another detour on her way to “reclaim the throne” at Kings Landing. She needs to stay focus!

Sansa is still pouting. She needs to follow Margery’s lead. Margery’s gay husband died. Do you Margery moping around Kings Landing? NO. Margery is planning a wedding to her new King. Sansa, we know your mother and brother died in a tragic way. But, you need to learn how to play the Game Of Thrones. You are losing. Your hand maiden is trying to seduce your husband right under your nose. You need to smack that bitch. Imp or no Imp, that’s your husband.

Jon Snow is back at Castle Black. He told The Nights Watch he killed The Halfhand and was chilling with the Wildlings while screwing one of their women. All is forgiven and he put back on his black fur. Secretly, Sam is jealous because he gots no ass during HIS venture.

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Meanwhile, Prince Oberyn has landed at Kings Landing and went straight to the brothel for some whores. Tyrion enters the brothel just in time to welcome Prince Oberyn to Kings Landing. Oberyn responds by saying, “Hello. My name is Prince Oberyn Martell. You killed my sister and her kids. Prepare to die.”  I mean, he didn’t quite say THAT, but something like that. Anyway, Lannisters, y’all in danger! Now, let’s get to the more important part of the episode, Tyrion’s side chick, Shae. Shae, it’s over! You are a whore. Tyrion’s married and trying to make his fragile new wife happy. Tyrion doesn’t have time to frolic around like he used to. Shae, you should have taken those coins Varys offered you and got on that boat and sailed away and found you a new man. A man that doesn’t know your whorish past. Women do that all the time. California is just filled with reformed hoes that get married. Leave Tyrion alone and find another lover.

This episode also featured Arya and The Hound. Arya and The Hound are on their way to their way to Arya’s aunt Lysa. You know, Caetlyn’s crazy sister from season one.

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Yup! Her ^^^^. The Hound is going to trade Arya for some money. On their way to crazy Aunt Lysa’s, they stop at a little cabin where they run into the Tickler. The Tickler is one of the names Ms. Arya whispers every night. The Tickler dumb ass, doesn’t recognize little Arya and doesn’t know he is on her list of people to kill.  The Tickler wants to trade chicken for Arya. The Hound isn’t trying to negotiate anything. All he wanted was some chicken and a nice adult beverage to wash that shit down. A big fight ensues and Arya gets her revenge. As for The Hound…….. he gets his chicken.

What did you guys think of the season premiere of Game Of Thrones?

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